Damn you, Jaimie from Lowe's

Been over a month. I know, I'm a twat. Here goes.

So for the past month, I have been watching a friend's infant as I prepare to skip town, and we normally head on out during the day with the kid to show him stuff so he isn't home all the time. This past Wednesday, we went to Lowe's to pick up some screen doors, and we wound up having to return one. He put it on his card, so he decided to carry the door as I pushed the little one in the stroller. For some background, my buddy is an ex-Marine, six feet tall, and about 220 all muscle. I'm an ex-soldier, a hair under six feet tall, and though I'm a doughy 260, I look like I can bench a truck. I wasn't expecting to leave that day, so I was in yoga pants, a really gay tank top, and flip flops.

Now, we get to the returns desk, and while he is trying to get the transaction finished, Jaimie, the cashier is fawning over the kid. She looks at Bear Force One, and then to me, and in a moment of absolute hilarity, looks at the kid who is white as his parents, and then to me, who is about as black as you could get without actually being #000000, then says AND I QUOTE "He's so cute, you two guys are so lucky."

The inside of my head detached from my brain to prevent the laughter from crashing my Gibson (hehehe). My bud's head snapped like a Doberman; "What did you say?"

Jaimie realized that she just made a slight faux pas. She just told two guys who looked like they beat up on wild animals for fun that they look like they suck dick. My friend is secure enough in his masculinity to not actually be upset of that implication, just that she discounted his wife. She quickly recanted, and stumbled through a backpedal that I haven't seen the likes of which since the last presidential debates.
The entire time, I am trying to keep from laughing my ass all the way off.

The whole ride back to the house, we argued over who would be the top.